Bedroom is finally starting to come along.
Sometimes I feel like I really fucked up what I decided to do in Post Secondary. I chose Woodworking and Industrial Shop Management because I felt like it was something I would enjoy but the reality is I don’t really know if I can do something like this for the rest of my career.
I question what I’m doing constantly and sometimes I think that the only reason I went into this field was because everyone expected me to go to university. So, obviously I decided not to, even though I was a smart kid throughout public school and easily got into the university programs I wanted to. I used the excuse that it was ‘too expensive’ or ‘you can’t get a job out of it,’ but I find myself writing and stuff just to relax and get away for a bit and kind of envying people who don’t have to work 44+ hour weeks with no benefits, health coverage, etc. I have barely a year experience in the field but even that is a harsh reality check and I feel like if I stay with what I’m doing I’m gonna be stuck here, which is something I absolutely don’t want. I went to high school with some relatively intelligent people who were from financially stable families and it sucks to see them travelling the world for school and stuff. I feel like I could have done that if I’d have done things differently.
I know everyone gets stuck being the ‘rookie’ and doing bitch work for the first while in their new careers but I feel like I’m almost… Wasting my time. I’m really awkward in new workplaces and my brain almost shuts down and I blank and get really anxious. I could go on for so long about this but I’m just sitting here basically breaking down for no goddamn good reason.
I guess I’m kind of stuck here for a while since I’m a good $20,000 dollars in debt.